My New Beginning !!!

after nearly 3 years of struggle with the liver disease, dad is gone...he went to be with the lord on 13th Nov, 9.55 pm... that week before was a struggle for me... my mind was not controlled... thoughts were wandering here and there... i feared whether i will be able to see dad again alive, when i booked my tickets to india on dec 25th... i had the fear in me... i told the same to jeremy... and it happened that way itself...

when i heard of the news, it was a kind of black out... i didn't know how to respond... just knew that, next day i had to get my tickets and fly off... i feared for mom... she has always been a strong person... but, she has been with dad for 42 years... was worried how she will take it... i called my manager, got my leave, on friday morning... got my tickets and flew off in the evening... JS dropped me at the airport...he was of great help that day...

when i reached home, i saw dad's body... i didn't cry... held myself strong... sat next to amma... she wasn't crying... she told me to thank God for all the good things He has done for us... she was strong as usual... i just sat next to her... my niece came and sat on my lap and was crying...

next day, we were asked by the pastor to talk about dad in the funeral... i shared my thoughts about dad...i said that i didn't have to look up to another person other than my dad to learn how to be a good husband and a good father... coz my dad was both a good husband and a father... he took care of all our physical needs... for the past 42 years of their marriage, mom didn't have to take care of anything... coz everything was taken care of for her... i told about him apologizing to me in public after he beat me without reason coz of a misunderstanding... usually in india, dads won't do that... but my dad was more than just a dad to me...

people told didfferent things about him... my pastor said that he was a man without a mask... always he admitted when he was wrong... he accepted corrections without any anger at heart... and was teachable... he was a good host... he loved to serve people... and he taught us, "DO GOOD TO PEOPLE WITHOUT EXPECTING A REWARD, COZ REWARD COMES FROM ABOVE"... he practised that in his life... he taught my sister and me to be together in good and tough times... told us to support each other when one is weak... when people said many good things about dad, a couple of drops of tears rolled down my cheeks.... but i was sure that i was not going to be a cry baby... coz i know, i will soon see dad again...

after the funeral, my niece had surgery for appendix to be removed... so i was in hospital for like 3 whole days... sleeping there... coz my niece wanted me to be there... she even asked the doc whether i can accompany her to the operation theatre...

was very tough time for the family and myself... i lost weight... neard 5 kgs... now i am 60 kgs only... and i survived the tough time...i could feel that Grace was all around me throughout this period...AMAZING GRACE...

i am missing dad.. but i thank god for bringing me to this world as the son of 2 great parents.... this might be the new beginning God wanted me to have...LIFE AFTER DAD IS GONE... thats my new beginning for the Year of New Beginnings... more responsibilities...

thank you dad for all the things u have done for me... thank you for the ways you cared for me... thank you for being there always... thank you for teaching me to have a positive attitude in life... thanks for everything... Love u dad... miss u terribly...

A Confused Old Man

may be because i had to travel for long time everyday, i have been thinking a lot these days... may be due to that, i am confused... confused with lot of things...not sure what to do... not sure what step to take next... don't know whether i am listening to God's voice or listening to what my mind says...is my optimistic nature going down the slope... every time i prayed that i wanted to be an optimist... Optimism is trusting in God completely and believing in Romans 8:28 (for those who love god and for those who are called according to His purpose, ALL THINGS work together for GOOD)... from that, its clear that i am not trusting God the way i am supposed to... and trusting God has always been my strength... means i am weak now... terribly weak... need to get back to my normal self....

dad has been very sick... don't know how things are being managed at home by amma and sis... hopefully everything will be ok... plz do pray for him... most probably i will be going back in dec... so this time, i hope to have christmas and new year with dad... or atleast either one of them... lets see how things work out...

work has been good during the last week... got to come back home everyday at 5 30... food is good... people are good... nothing to complain except for the travelling part... so thank god for that...

not feeling to type in anything more... till you see me here next time, do take care... keep smiling and make someone laugh... God Bless

A Good Weekend and A Good Message

last weekend was pretty good... happened to stay over night at JS' place... liverpool lost to spurs... service was good on sunday... baby zach came to church for the first time... he was comfortable throughout the service... message by P.Dom was good... infact it was one of the best messages i ever heard from him...

he was talking about Transformational Leaders from Mark 4:35 -42... the pointers goes like this...
1. a transformational leader knows the time and season and knows what to do.
2. a transformation leader speak into the life of people... he speaks life, encouragement and hope.
3. a transformational leader leaves the crowd of one's security to walk in the line of faith.
4. a transformational leader is a model... he leads the way.
5. a transformational leader does not run away from problems... he faces the problems... he prays for the enablement to go through the storm... he meets the storm head on and get break through.

i terribly wish i can be a leader like that...someone who knows the time and season and wouldn't let a season pass by without knowing it... someone who speak into the life of people, speak only positive things...someone who walks daily in faith and be a model where ever i am placed... and someone who has the courage to face storms head on... not as someone who tends to hide when the storm strikes... i have started praying for that... i want to be a transformational leader... i am desperate for it... let God answer my prayer...

tomorrow onwards, have to go to JB everyday... travelling is going to take much out of me... especially coz of the recurring back pain... everything will be alrite i guess... need plenty of grace during this time... plz do pray for me... your prayers will be highly appreciated...

till i get time to update something here again, do keep smiling and make someone laugh...