for nearly a month, i was struggling… i thought it was because i was missing dad… till yesterday night i believed that way…or i was forcing myself to believe that way… but yesterday night, i started asking god why i am so much burdened… why He is not doing anything to make me feel better… i haven’t cried for the past 1 ½ years… even when dad passed away, i didn’t…yesterday, i wanted to cry badly… but not even a single tear drop came down from my eyes… may be coz the last time i cried, i cried so badly that it dried up the tears… and since it dried up, i couldn’t cry yesterday…i asked god, why he is being so cruel to me… first there was no answer… but i kept pestering Him… till He started to talk… He told me that it was not because i couldn’t cry, i feel burdened, neither because of dad… its also not because of things at home too… but its because of something that i was holding on to, deep in my heart… for few months already… God was very specific…He asked me to let go of it… i said, “God, its hard”… He told me that His grace is sufficient for me… it was a kind of wrestling in my heart then for the next few minutes… felt a pain deep in my heart… but i decided and told God that i am letting it go coz i don’t want to be a hindrance to God’s blessing in my life…when i said that prayer loud, i don’t know from where, but my heart begin to calm down… i could feel the peace in my heart… after that i could sleep well too… peaceful sleep, which i didn’t have for at least a month… God is awesome…
till yesterday, i was more worried about going back home… no excitement… no thrill… was tensed about things waiting for me there… but today whole thing changed… i am excited… thrilled… i am looking forward to hopping on to the flight… I can’t wait to be back there… like the usual cheerful person whom my mom has always seen… i can feel that i am back to my best… the same optimistic man who could take on anything that’s coming against him… i am back… no more complaining!!! i can see now why eve said, i have changed a lot… i thought that changes was coz, dad was no longer there to guide me… but yesterday god reminded me that the guidance i got till now was never from dad, it was from heaven… which is very true… and it will be the same from now on too… i won’t depend on any man for guidance… coz my guidance comes from the Almighty… i am excited… am excited for the greater heights that’s waiting for me…
and even as i write this, i can feel the peace within me… YES!!! i am ready to take on any adventure that’s coming my way…coz according to K.Yudah, TOUGH TIMES NEED TOUGH MEN, TOUGH TIMES WILL PASS BUT TOUGH MEN WILL STAY…and i know that if i am going through a test, it means i am being prepared for a testimony… i thought i will fail this time…but god reminded me that there will always be one winner when it comes to my struggle with stress… that’s ME… not because of who i am, but because the grace that surrounds me is toooooo big for me to fail…
keep smiling guys… make someone laugh too… God Bless
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